day of frustrations....

Winter has its grips on us and will not let go. Another storm warning today and when it expires tonight we go under a blizzard advisory. They say another 2-4 inches may come tomorrow and another 1-3 inches the next day and don't forget to add in the very bitter cold temps, and wind chills! Looks like the weather is acting like the economy-- very difficult! On top of all of this I had to be in court again, this morning to deal with never ending problems of an ex who doesn't want to , doesn't like to, or a countless other reasons pay child support or his portion of the uninsured medical bills he is responsible for and he is forever behind! And I mean way behind, I have essentially raised my girls on my own. So we end up being in court alot and I have had to deal with the court system, judges, attorneys, child support enforcement offices, for a very long time. Its sad but as much as I would like to keep my girls young for a little while longer so I can enjoy them before they completely take off and start their own lives and make homes of their own, there is another part of me that cant wait until they reach the point (usually 21 or after 3-4 years of college) and I no longer have to deal with this and to me that is so sad that I have to think like that, but its been 17 years all ready and that is a very long time and Im tired. I realize that when they do reach that magical age we will still be dealing with a large dollar amount that he owes, but it wont be getting any larger after that point and I can hope the situation will resolve itself. This is one of those situations where I still have not fully seen the reason for why I have had bear this burden for so long but I still am positive that at some point in my life I will understand. I keep saying that at some point in my life if I were to ever come into a bunch of money I would pay off all of my own debts and get myself into a situation where I could help other single parents that Have had to deal with similar issues. I unfortunately and not necessarily from my wanting to, I have gained alot of knowledge over the last 17 years and if I could help other single parents that would be a blessing. I have gained alot of knowledge and have personal experience in areas that no single women should have to endure. My marriage was very abuse and I wish I could help other women who have had similar situations or are going thru what I have. Court days really reinforce that over and again, in my mind but as of yet I am still financially struggling to just take care of myself and my family and I am unable to do what I would like to do. Maybe this idea I have had in my head for so long isn't what I am meant to do and that's why it hasn't come to happen yet , and my mother tells me maybe I need to write a book about my life experiences and that would help other women, but that idea hasn't grabbed me yet and jumped out at me and said just do it. So today is a day full of self reflection and wishing I had made better/different choices early on in my life and I had never been with this man but then again I have to remind myself I have 3 beautiful girls and I wouldn't want, to have not had them as the are the best blessings in my life but as for the rest of the hardships Ive endured because of this man, Im still searching for a more positive reason as to why I am still having to deal with him. So the weather today and over the next few days, will match my mood. See the post below that I did initially on 1-7-09 and am just now putting out there.... What are your goals that for what ever reason are hanging around in your mind but life and its happenings haven't allowed them to materialize yet?